I threw myself a birthday party last weekend. I’ve usually included the request that attendees “call a sitter and crate the dog” with my invites, but I had a change of heart this year. I don’t mind kids, I just worry they’ll hurt themselves in our famously un-childproof house (the place is a deathtrap of stairs and vintage glassware and jars of cadmium red paint).

The party invite included this helpful airplane card-style illustration for parents (click image to view larger):